come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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