It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
