I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
