i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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