I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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