saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
