They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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