We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
