I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
