you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
