i think my mom watched the whole time
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
