what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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