Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
