Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
