I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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