Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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