Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
