When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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