the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
