Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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