I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
