Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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