I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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