i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
