omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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