Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
