So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And then he peed in my hair
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