I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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