So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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