I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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