I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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