I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
