i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
