Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
