I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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