I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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