Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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