I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize