Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
