Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
