yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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