Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
