I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
