Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
