I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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