Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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