So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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