you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
