Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
