Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
