Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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