I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
