New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
