Michael Bay diarrhea
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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