I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
