Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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