HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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