this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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