I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
