a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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