Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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