So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
