The maid of honor just puked.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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