You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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