We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
