She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize