if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
