yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
